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Jokes

I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic...... 
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me. 
Suddenly they yelled, "Allahu Akbar! Praise Allah!" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it. 
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that could have been me!" So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

 

 

 

 

Tim Mahoney III

A trucker came into a Truck Stop Cafe' and placed his order.He said I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.' The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?' 'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires... Mean three pancakes; a pair of headlights... Is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards... Are2 slices of crisp bacon! 'Oh... OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for, Blondie?' (I love this one...! ) She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

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